The yellow moon's fading scent

It's as if midnight was swallowed by the overwhelming ardor of the moon.

The moon was beaming at me, awakening a soul that was once lost in wonder and wishful thinking. As the moon trails our car amidst the orange-coated road, it has finally dawned into me: I am growing up, and the master of time never permits any disturbance to halt its invisible string and arrows.

Then I felt sad, like the moon who only shines at night, contented on borrowing a bit of light from the life-giving sun. As the hands of time stretch through eternity, I hated myself for not being the sun, casting a guilty shadow behind borrowed radiance. I felt morose like a dragonfly who keeps on flying without knowing where he is supposed to come home. I felt youthful exuberance slip from my "tight gripping" hands.


At Christmas, we used to sing Christmas carols, grill barbecues,  and craft holiday cards with awful (horrible, I should say) drawings of a laughing Santa Claus with his trusty reindeer, Sandy (I've always thought of Sandy—my imaginary reindeer friend— as Santa's right hand, I'm sorry Rudolph). I remember texting a heartfelt Christmas message to my mom before indulging every food on our noche buena table. I never really had noche buena with my parents, they always arrive late at dawn every 25th. It's not sad actually, at least we get to spend more time the next day while opening tons of presents with the little kids.

This Christmas, it seems like Santa rolled the dice thrice more and laughed way too hard while playing with it.

My excitement for the holidays decreases as each year zooms in until I finally admitted that Santa does not exist, and Sandy was only a figment of my childish imagination. I get less presents, and I would rather stay in my room than mingle with a clutter of people preparing food.

And then I realized I was growing up, and I hated the feeling.

I hated how I don't make Christmas cards for my cousins and grandmother anymore. I hated how I managed to miss grilling barbecue beneath the glimmer of what I called "first stars" (which I later knew were planets, damn). I hated how I discovered that the exuberant moon does not really follow my steps. And then my hopes were drowning in a puddle.

This is where I wanted to be when I was a little kid. Free from the stringencies my parents impose. Free from being scolded after sneaking out to play with my friends instead of taking a nap. Free from curfews and late night nagging. Free from belt, or slipper (you name it, my butt endured it) spanking. Free from crying because dad would switch channels from The Fairly Odd Parents to a stupid basketball game. Free from being shouted at if I enter our door late. Free from sermons if I didn't achieve what I'm supposed to reach.

I never expected this day to come, this day when I would hate being a teenager, this day when I would hate being a stuck-up 17-year-old with loads of problems.

I want to become a kid again and spend holidays with a whiff of enthusiasm. I want to kiss my parents without being embarrassed and judged. I wish I could return those bountiful days when my biggest problem was choosing the perfect color from a 64-piece crayon set.

But guess what, the moon would soon fade its light. The sun would burst into million pieces, wholly swallowing our solar system. I don't mean to be pessimistic—I mean to be realistic, but everyone would wither and that's what I am afraid of, withering. I don't want to wither like those flowers with petals blown by a strong wind, rather, by time.

Soon, I would get a job, and pay taxes, and build a family. Soon, I would receive pension, and all of these present happenings would be faded memories. But I know I would always remember the moon following me, I don't care about the realm of science at this instance. The moon would always be my hope, my inspiration that despite borrowing a lot from the sun, I could still light up the world during its darkest hours. And that's where I'm heading on, becoming the light amidst the dark, I want to mark the world with my words, and I would let the moon guide me until I wither.

originally posted here.

That Blue Curtain

Something has been bothering me
From east to west to south to north
All those shivers
My spine cannot bear

Stares stares, pitiful stares
I cover my eyes
Peek through that little hole
Stares stares
Scary glares

Heart runs thousand miles an hour
Tired but my feet were never
Afraid and shut down
Running has become my confidante

Smoldering voices
I cover my ears
Alone is me
Me is all alone

I grab a drink or two to wear
Seemingly I don't, will never care
Sitting, aloof from all those glares
That blue curtain
Covering my shares

**

The Cliché Fresh Start

I wish I had a Phineas and Ferb kind of summer.

Last time I checked, school was still months away, but I guess, time did its whimsical tricks again and damn, tomorrow's the start of new stuff. By stuff, I mean new classroom, new classmates, new environment, new lessons, new chairs, new administration, new faces, new organizations, new notebooks, new pens, new events, new... everything. And by the way my own self acts all nervous and shaky, I'm still not done with the process of moving on from high school, quite funny though, because I won't really give a 10 out of 10 if you ask me to rate my high school escapade. Tomorrow will mark the start of me being a college student. Can you believe it? I finally reached this point in my life without even noticing it. And it's making me edgy. I never knew where all those different ways of having college jitters actually came from. I already met some of my future blockmates and they're quite nice and luckily, a batchmate landed on the same block with me. I feel sort of shy since I'm not really the type of gal who reaches out first. And I'm wondering if I could be less awkward in person, cause I'm pretty much an open book when I talk online or on those mobile communication apps but I'm the total opposite once you meet me face to face. So yeah, tomorrow, I'll officially be titled as a college student. Nope, will never believe it until I realize that I should be over my childhood stuff (not actually, over over but you know, I should learn to let go of those different childhood antics). 

Talking about summer? Sighs, I really wish I had one of those Phineas and Ferb summer feels. All those chitter chatters while building different structures, enjoying with your friends and of course, the fact that it is never ending. But hell, my summer has been a total ball of the word boring. Yes, I went from province to province and did all those province-y stuff, but mostly, I became a couch potato at home, and that is definitely 0% healthy, so much for fantasizing a Phineas and Ferb style of summer.

30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day #5

Photo not mine. *

Your Proudest Moment

Not really sure if I had one.

Proudest moment? It came off pretty hard for me. Haha, I never thought of reminiscing a single proud moment I had. I never had plenty proud moments since I'm not, at all sense, extraordinary nor talented nor smart. In layman's term, I'm a potato. But for me, my proudest moment would be stepping on Albertus Magnus auditorium's stage, receiving my high school diploma, taking on another step towards the next chapter of my life. That moment made me realize that all those sleepless nights and hardships paid off pretty well. That single moment made me realize that I worked my butt off hard just to receive that important one page statement. That moment made me realize that I went through truckloads of different rad situations during my four years of living inside my second home. Everything was just worth it, I felt very proud of myself. I never thought I would survive those ravishing four years, thanks to my classmates, friends and teachers, I managed to get out of the dungeon safely. 

30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day #4

Photo not mine. *

My Dream Job

Dreaming is totally free so I'll grasp the opportunity.

My dream job? That would be simple. I dream of becoming a travel journalist. I always fantasize of travelling through different places around the globe and write about them. Seeing the different whimsical magic a place upholds ignites the flare inside of me. I want to write about the places I've been through and share my experiences to others. I always dream of working for a travel magazine or for a television company. 

Nah, I'm too lazy to add more things up. 

Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

Fangirl

Rainbow Rowell

Warning: Might contain spoilers.

Honestly, this review was supposed to be posted on goodreads but I decided against myself. I chose to post reviews here on my blog rather than goodreads cause- yeah, I don't really know. I just have this awkward feel everytime I start a review there, I just feel like I'm not good enough or what. Lol I know that's silly but I really can't help it. So I'll stick to giving ratings there and posting reviews here.

Remember, don't you dare click the Read More button down there if you abhor spoilers, I'm not at fault for that. 

30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day #3

Photo not mine. *

Your Favorite Quote

I often change my fave quote so yeah.

So hi! I can't believe I finally reached my third day for this blogging challenge, and I'm quite proud of myself. I never really had the chance to grasp the third day on all those sorts of random blogging challenges since I'm such a lazy gal. So yeah. Let me share my current favorite quote which is from a book I just read. 

Sometimes writing is running downhill, your fingers jerking behind you on the keyboard the way your legs do when they can’t quite keep up with gravity.

That quote is from Rainbow Rowell's novel entitled Fangirl. I rated it 5 stars on goodreads. It was such a fun fun fun read and I highly recommend it. I might punch in a review here on my blog so if you want a background or some spoilers about that book or if you're just bored, you can read that. 

I SERIOUSLY LOVE LEVI TO BITS. CAN I HAVE MY OWN LEVI? LIKE, RIGHT NOW. TYVM.